Finding My Voice

I started this blog because I needed an outlet that was different from my journal. I thought of starting a blog a while ago, and took my time thinking about it before actually doing it. I finally just jumped in and did it. It's been cool for me to have this thing up, but I realize that I don't post that often.

One of the reasons I don't post here that often is that I'm used to my journal, and old habits die hard. The other reason I don't post here that much is because I'm still filtering what I will post here and what I won't. I'm not at the point where I feel I will be an open book and talk about everything that's going on in my life. Some people share their entire lives in their personal blogs, and I admire their openness and bravery. I'm not sure if I'll ever be that open, but I will always be honest.

So until I decide how I'm going to express myself, I will still post, and will make the effort to post more often. And slowly, and surely, you will get to know me - maybe just not everything. ;-)

My Poetry - Entry #2

My First Crush

finished 09/09/07

With the touch of your hand, you have total control

Serving beats and melodies to the masses

Making us bob our heads and shake our asses

Underrated by many

To this day, what you do is still not respected

Seen by most who love music as a fake

You create new sounds and revive the old ones

Serving up just what we need to get our groove on

I respect what you do

I've always wanted to be just like you

That time may have passed, but I'm forever a fan

Been around for years bringing the noise to our ears

Constantly reborn in different forms and styles

You're art is being kept alive for there are many who believe in it

You were born around the way, and now you're all grown up

Traveling the world and leaving a permanent mark wherever you go

A talent that many posses, but only a few have mastered

You're in a class by yourself, and often forgotten in the scheme of things

There's a lot of us that really knows what's up

And we will always hold you in high regard

Until the rest of the world can see you for who you are,

Keep doing your thing

You were my first crush,

But I've got love for you forever...

The D.J.

I've applied for more jobs this week...

...and am feeling more confident about my chances in finding work. A few people I know have given me information on places to look, and some have taken my resume to put in for me for certain positions.

I’m hoping for the best, and that I am working within the next month. I may be called back to my last job, but in the meantime I’m continuing my search.

The thing about going back to my old job is that there was some trickery involved in me being laid off in the first place, and then there was some trickery involved in the first attempt to bring me back. That doesn’t make me feel so good about going back, but if it’s done the right way it could work out for me in so many ways that I have to keep it as an option.

Not working is weird because its been 14 years since I’ve been out of work. Even at that time, it was a matter of weeks before I found another job. This time I’m collecting unemployment, which I’ve never done before in my life, and my options for finding a job are not as plentiful as they were before.

Either way, I’m doing what has to be done so that I can be out and working again.

See more progress on: find a job

Broken Promises...

I feel like I've been falling for the okie-doke...

I guess I'm one of those people who believes someone when they tell me something. I guess I'm one of those people who take others at their word. I guess I'm starting to feel like an idiot. I don't want to be a pessimist, but damn, I'm becoming disappointed more and more and I don't know what to do about it. I could become a bitch and look at everyone sideways when they tell/promise me something, be sarcastic, and not trust anyone. But would that be any better? I don't know anymore. I want to believe that there are still good people in the world, and that people don't see me as gullible or stupid enough to believe anything. I don't want to become someones doormat. I'm still trying to decide what I'm going to do. I don't know anymore.

Strength, Courage, and Wisdom...

A lot of things have happened to me recently that have me starting over in several ways. I'm reacquainting myself with someone from my past, I may be returning to my old job with a new career, and I've become calmer with much effort on my part. All of these things are good things. Why? Because it's showing some growth on my part, which is a good thing for me. I was starting to feel like I had hit a wall and I would be struggling to get a lot of things done. I basically pulled myself together and created a game plan. Funny that it didn't include two of the things that I cited above, but any thing extra that's positive can't hurt, right? So many things can happen in life that can leave you defeated, and for a while I felt that way. A few things happened to me at once and it knocked me over so hard that I had decided to just lay there and take it. I didn't feel I had the strength or the know how to pull myself back up. But once I decided I couldn't and wouldn't wallow in it, I got up and got going. I'm feeling really good, and I'm moving forward. I'm starting to feel stronger and I have made the decision not to return to that place no matter what. It will only hurt me in the end. I'm determined to push on, and get what I want.

I can, I am, I will...

India Arie - Strength Courage and Wisdom